I want to focus on a relationship issue that triggers great pain to those how experience it. Unrequited Love is when we fall in love with somebody, but they do not return that love. In the last part of my entire life unrequited love (with nine differing people) formed an extremely destructive pattern. It is only recently that I have arrived at understand why I chose to go down this painful route.

At first glance, unrequited love seems rather pathetic. We love somebody and they don’t reciprocate, but we can’t let them go. We obsess and fantasise about them, in the hope that they might change their mind, but this never happens. WHEN I know to my cost, these relationships can eat up many years of someone’s life and leave them with only pain and heartache. The question is, why would we fall for somebody who was not thinking about us and then, even though they have made it clear that they have no interested in us, continue with the obsession?

To answer this we need to look at our emotional and perhaps spiritual needs, and particularly at what we believe we have been personally lacking. All of us have needs, it’s section of being human and we try to fulfill them by means of a loving partner or even more ideally by meeting them from within. Whenever we fall in love, our partner gives us the things that we lack. We then feel like our partner is making us whole, or complete which is why we feel so excellent. In a normal relationship normally, this is reciprocated, but not in the case of an unrequited one. In such cases we create an imaginary relationship in our mind, that is identical in every respect to the ‘real’ one but obviously lacks a partner. This is what results in the fantasy – in our minds we can create an ideal partner and relationship.

The trouble is that even though fantasy can be very convincing, it is not genuine and eventually we feel frustration, disappointment and an aching emptiness. Even then we may not forget about the unrequited person because we gain a perverse pleasure from the pain and suffering. This facet of unrequited relationships gives us a clue regarding the deeper motivations which I will explain later.

In attempting to fulfill our needs through the unrequited ‘partner’, we must see certain qualities in them that we usually do not believe we have. In the most powerful unrequited experience I had, I later realised that I saw a deep and pure spirituality in the girl I fell for. This is something I definitely believed was lacking in me and yet in her it was clearly present and intoxicating. I use that last word deliberately because the attraction I had for her was at the level of addiction. It overwhelmed me and began to take over my life. Essentially, I was trying to discover my spirituality through her, rather than discover it myself.

When you have had or are having an unrequited relationship, consider what quality it is you see in the focus of one’s attention. Notice the method that you feel without that area.
amarração amorosa through (which is how I eventually let the lady go in my example) is to realise that if you recognise a quality in somebody else, you’ll want it in yourself. As the old saying goes, "It takes one, to know one". Therefore accept you have the quality you have already been looking for in somebody and release the unrequited person from the demand that you will be placing on them to fulfill your needs in that area. Although it may believe that we’ve an undying love for that person, this isn’t actually the case. If we loved them, we’d not expect them to satisfy our needs. Embrace amarração amorosa funciona that you were searching for in them and as you let them go, they will move out of your life and somebody new will enter, who has those same qualities. This time though, that person will also desire to be with you. The amazing thing about letting go of a need is that the things we were searching for inside our life or relationship appear in abundance! Try it on your own – it really does work. Sometimes, the letting go will do to change the whole dynamic and the unrequited relationship changes into a true, reciprocated one.