I want to focus on a relationship issue that triggers great pain to those how experience it. Unrequited Love is when we fall in love with somebody, but they usually do not return that love. In the earlier part of my life unrequited love (with nine differing people) formed a very destructive pattern. It really is only in recent years that I have come to understand why I chose to go down this painful route.

On
amarração forte amarração para o amor , unrequited love seems rather pathetic. We love somebody and they don’t reciprocate, but we can not let them go. We obsess and fantasise about them, in the hope that they might change their mind, but this never happens. WHEN I know to my cost, these relationships can eat up many years of a person’s life and leave them with nothing but pain and heartache. The question is, why would we fall for someone who was not thinking about us and then, even when they have made it clear that they have no thinking about us, continue with the obsession?

To answer this we have to look at our emotional as well as perhaps spiritual needs, and particularly at what we believe we are personally lacking. Most of us have needs, it’s part of being human and we make an effort to fulfill them by means of a loving partner or more ideally by meeting them from within. Whenever we fall in love, our partner gives us the things that we lack. We then feel like our partner is making us whole, or complete which is why we feel so good. In a normal relationship normally, this is reciprocated, but not regarding an unrequited one. In these cases we create an imaginary relationship in our mind, that is identical in all respects to the ‘real’ one but obviously lacks somebody. This is what results in the fantasy – inside our minds we can create the perfect partner and relationship.

The trouble is that even though fantasy can be very convincing, it is not the real thing and finally we feel frustration, disappointment and an aching emptiness. Even then we may not forget about the unrequited person because we gain a perverse pleasure from the pain and suffering. This facet of unrequited relationships gives us a clue as to the deeper motivations which I will explain later.

In attempting to fulfill our needs through the unrequited ‘partner’, we must see certain qualities in them that we usually do not believe we have. In the most powerful unrequited experience I had, I later realised that I saw a deep and pure spirituality in the girl I fell for. amor de volta is something I definitely believed was lacking in me and yet in her it was clearly present and intoxicating. I use that last word deliberately because the attraction I had for her was at the level of addiction. It overwhelmed me and began to take over my life. In essence, I was trying to discover my spirituality through her, rather than discover it myself.

In case you have had or are having an unrequited relationship, consider what quality it really is you see in the focus of one’s attention. Notice the way you feel without that area. Just how through (and this is how I eventually allow lady go in my example) is to realise that should you recognise a quality in someone else, you must have it in yourself. Because the old saying goes, "It requires one, to learn one". Therefore accept you have the quality you have been looking for in a partner and release the unrequited person from the demand you are placing on them to fulfill your needs for the reason that area. Although it may feel that we have an undying love for that person, this isn’t actually the case. If we loved them, we would not expect them to fulfill our needs. Embrace the product quality that you were looking for in them so when you let them go, they will move out of your life and somebody new will enter, who has those same qualities. This time though, that person will also wish to be with you. The amazing thing about letting go of a need is that the very things we were looking for in our life or relationship come in abundance! Try it for yourself – it really does work. Occasionally, the letting go will do to change the whole dynamic and the unrequited relationship changes right into a true, reciprocated one.